As many of my longtime friends and readers know, I have dealt with chronic vertigo for 8 1/2 years.  It comes and goes, but the past 2 years it has gotten to be more persistent and lasting longer per “episode”.    I really had learned to live with it, and have adjusted my life to incorporate it into my life.    Well, through a series of events that actually began 3 1/2 years ago, one of my best friends from high school and I have gotten back in touch with one another and when our oldest daughter R hurt her back in May he took on a new role in the life of our family.   He became our chiropractor.   I have been taking R to Dr. M through the entire summer, and he has asked me at every appt how I’m feeling, etc.   Well, about 3 weeks ago, he and I were chatting on facebook and I mentioned that my vertigo had been going on for about 3 weeks and that I was also having problems with my neck and that I felt like I was falling apart.   I asked if he thought he could help me and he said he’d like to try, so I made an appt for the next week when R was going in again.    He adjusted my upper back and neck and within 4 hours I was completely symptom free!   I am praising God for the healing that has come through the hands of one of His people.   I have been(mostly) symptom free for nearly 3 weeks now and am feeling great!    I say mostly because this morning during the music portion of our worship service, the music was very loud, and I started feeling dizzy.   I’m going to try to get an appointment with my family practitioner to have my ears checked and see if there might be a reason why when the loud music was going I was dizzy, but once the service was done, I was fine.     But I am so excited to be feeling so great after so many years of dealing with this

Well, this past several days have been pretty good!   The words from my mouth (and from my fingers on the computer) have been (for the most part) reflective of an attitude of gratitude.   I am thankful to my Lord and Saviour for showing me how the world had crept back into my heart and was pouring forth from my mouth.   So, now that the mouth is under control, everything is hunky dory right?   NOPE!!!!   It’s still in this heart of mine!   I find myself still with an inner attitude of negativity.  Thankfully I have a knowledge of just what it is now, and it isn’t pouring forth….. you know what I mean?       I am  so thankful that I have the Holy Spirit to show me these attitudes of the heart…..I’ve been praying daily (and sometimes hour by hour) for healing.   And I know that God is working on it, but I keep taking it all back.

Why is it that we hand it over to God and give Him control, and then take it all back?   I surely hope I’m not the only one that does that!   I so desperately want a heart that reflects Him from the inside out in ALL of my attitudes and in ALL situations, not just most of them.   And when the Holy Spirit shows me where I’m holding onto the world, I give it to God but it really doesn’t take long before I’m taking it all back…..why?   Why do i torture myself that way?      I know why…..it’s a process!   God’s word says that we are a work in progress until the “day of completion”….which I believe is the day we die or the day that the Lord returns.    Thank you Lord for continuing to show me just how much you love me through the work that you continue in my life!   I pray that I could finally hand all of the negativity over to you so that we can work on the next thing

Today’s daily devotional from the New Life Daily portion of the Crosswalk.com devotionals  was awesome!   And a timely message for me….

The main scripture verse for today’s devotional is

Luke 11:9

⁹“So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.

I realized this morning after reading the devotional that my trend lately has been to turn to God for help when I’m at the end of myself and my own resources instead of turning to Him at the very beginning of anything and everything.   Now don’t get me wrong, I do seek His guidance on most everything, but when trials come my normal M.O. (at least lately) has been to try to go it on my own first, and then when I’ve totally made a mess of things that’s when I turn to my Father in Heaven for help.   NOT what He wants us to be doing.   This scripture is very clear that we are to seek Him first, not when we get into trouble, but FIRST before anything ever has the chance to get into trouble.   I know that in my personal situation, if I were to seek Him first in my day, my hour, every situation, every interaction….if I were to seek Him FIRST my attitudes would be more Godly, and the Holy Spirit would be more readily able to intervene instead of having to get around my stubborn will.   If I’m seeking Him, and allowing Him in all that I do/say/think the negative attitude and world’s way of dealing with things wouldn’t have any way to worm their way in to my heart.

Lord, I pray that I would remember to seek You first, and that that would become a habit, and that through seeking You first in all things, that my heart would be softer towards life and my fellow man.  I pray that You would continue to reveal Yourself  through Your word, and in my heart!  Bless this day, and all that I may come into contact with today.  I loveYou Lord, and I live my life for You!

Whew, I am ever so thankful for today!   Woke up this morning feeling pretty good about everything!   Spent time right away with the Lord and just committing my day to Him and then I got online to check an online devotional that I found yesterday.  It is a daily devotional that I used to read faithfully, but had gotten out of the habit of doing online devotions when I started doing women’s Bible study, and now I’m finding that I really would like a daily devotional in addition to whatever I’m doing.   I have always found that when I’m going through a crisis whether it is an actual physical crisis or a lesson from God crisis (like right now where God is doing some pruning and refining) that if I look at devotional guides or scripture of the day or anything like that, they tend to be there for me for that day as a special little gift of God.   Today was no different!   So I go to the website and click on daily devotional for Wed, June 3 and this is what I found!

The Right Kind of Attitude 

For God has not given us a spirit of fearfulness,
but one of power, love, and sound judgment.
2 Timothy 1:7 HCSB

If you want to defeat Old Man Trouble, you’ll need the right kind of attitude: the positive kind. So what’s your attitude today? Are you fearful, angry, bored, or worried? Are you pessimistic, perplexed, pained, and perturbed? Are you moping around with a frown on your face that’s almost as big as the one in your heart? If so, God wants to have a little talk with you.

God created you in His own image, and He wants you to experience joy, contentment, peace, and abundance. But, God will not force you to experience these things; you must claim them for yourself.

God has given you free will, including the ability to influence the direction and the tone of your thoughts. And, here’s how God wants you to direct those thoughts:

“Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable—if there is any moral excellence and if there is any praise—dwell on these things” (Philippians 4:8 HCSB).

So, the next time you find yourself dwelling upon the negative aspects of your life, refocus your attention on things positive. The next time you find yourself falling prey to the blight of pessimism, stop yourself and turn your thoughts around. The next time you’re tempted to waste valuable time gossiping or complaining, resist those temptations with all your might.

And remember: You’ll never whine your way to the top . . . so don’t waste your breath.

We are either the masters or the victims of our attitudes. It is a matter of personal choice. Who we are today is the result of choices we made yesterday. Tomorrow, we will become what we choose today. To change means to choose to change.
John Maxwell

We shouldn’t deny the pain of what happens in our lives. But, we should refuse to focus only on the valleys.
Charles Swindoll

Today’s Prayer

Lord, I pray for an attitude that is Christlike. Whatever my circumstances, whether good or bad, triumphal or tragic, let my response reflect a God-honoring attitude of optimism, faith, and love for You. Amen

Ok, so once again, I broke down in tears!!!!   THANK YOU LORD!!!!   It was just what He’s been showing me, and now He’s shown me another verse to meditate on!!!!   GOD IS SO GOOD TO ME!  And I truly don’t deserve it, but I am very thankful!

So far today I am having a really good day attitude wise.   When I’ve started to get negative, I’ve just meditated on the Psalm 19:14 “May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing unto you Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer” and He has brought me through!

Another verse that He has given me in the midst of all of this is…

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”- Proverbs 15:1

How true is that????   If I am gentle in my words/thoughts/actions, then the negativity around me will really mellow out.  But if I’m reacting to it, not only will it make the attitudes/thoughts/words and actions of everyone involved more negative.

Thanks for sticking with me on this

Well, last night I slept horribly and woke up this morning feeling very “blegh” (not blah, but blegh).    While I was in the shower I was crying out to God and asking Him what else I need to turn over to Him to be put into the Refiner’s Fire (let me tell you, I DO NOT want this lesson to take long to get through…..it’s very painful!).   He showed me some major control issues and other things, so I confessed those to Him (YUCK, I say so much YUCK is in my heart!!!!   God clear it out!) and those led to a few other things (all things of my heart/attitude/tongue).   Well, let’s just say that I had to send an apology note to 2 different people this morning asking them for their forgiveness.     The scripture that I’m meditating on today is one that one of my friends shared with me on Facebook yesterday……

Psalm 19:14

¹⁴ May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
be pleasing in your sight,
O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.

So today I am mediating on that scripture all day!   That is my prayer today.   My heart’s song to my Lord……

Lord,  may all that I think, say, and ponder over today be pleasing in Your sight!   You ARE my Rock and my Redeemer!   Thank you Lord for the lessons that are even hard learned!   I’m drawing near, Lord, I’m drawing near……

Yesterday I came to the realization that a very negative attitude has festered in my heart.   I came to this realization when I had to apologize to a friend for the 2nd time in the past week.   What really stinks about this is that this friend is a Godly man that I have a lot of respect for, and I have just been really trampling all over him lately (no this isn’t my husband, but I’ve been doing the same thing to him ) and the whole reason is because I have allowed those old voices those old negative thoughts and attitudes about everything, EVERYTHING get rooted in my heart again!   During the night I had a dream, I don’t remember exactly what it was, but I know that it had to do with those icky things being rooted in my heart…..I knew that it was a dream from my Father that loves me more than I will ever deserve and wants me to be my very best with Him reigning every area of my life!

This morning I woke up with a part of a verse running through my head and my heart so I went to my favorite online bible resource  and found that they have a verse of the day……

“I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear … Read Morefrom their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”- Revelation 21: 2-4

My heart’s desire for my life and the lives of our family is that we would all be as a bride beautifully dressed for her bridegroom…..that we’d all be clothed with righteousness. And that the dwelling of God would be in my heart and radiated through my mouth, attitudes, thoughts, desires, goals and dreams. Thank you Lord for the healing that I know is ultimately coming!!! And for giving me this verse today!

So after I found that verse (and did a facebook status update thing on it, then went and spent some time in the kitchen), I did the search for the verse I was looking for…..the portion that I was meditating on was “take every thought captive” so I did a search on those words because I couldn’t remember the reference or the rest of the verse.   Well, when the verse came up I did what I usually do and clicked on the “verse in context” link so that it will give me the verses around it to put it into context….. this is what I got!

¹By the meekness and gentleness of Christ, I appeal to you—I, Paul, who am “timid” when face to face with you, but “bold” when away! ²I beg you that when I come I may not have to be as bold as I expect to be toward some people who think that we live by the standards of this world. ³For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. ⁴The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. ⁵We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. ⁶And we will be ready to punish every act of disobedience, once your obedience is complete. 2 Corinthians 10:1-6

It hit me right in the face that I’ve been waging war as the world does!  By hurling my words (which haven’t been prayed over, they are just regurgitating from a heart that I have allowed the things of this world start to take root in again) and negative thoughts and attitudes, I have been justas the world is.   So my prayer today, this week, and every day (I hope) from this day forward will be that I would wage war in the complete knowledge and guidance of God, and that I would be obedient to Christ and that I would take every thought (and attitude) captive!   Lord begin anew this work in my heart!

Ok, I wrote the following this morning before I went to church……will follow it with how the morning went……

Yay, my favorite day!

Praying you all have a blessed Sunday.

Ok, so I went to church prepared to have God do some surgery on my heart…..what God spoke to me personally from those scriptures isn’t exactly what our Pastor was giving to the congregation.   I was so inner-focused that I didn’t realize the outer impact of those words from the Bible.    I found it profound that the Lord had woken me with a clear message on my life, and that His word confirmed that when I had my quiet time, and then our Pastor had a completely different take on it!   One more proof that God’s word is living and active and more powerful than any two-edged sword!!!!!  GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME, AND ALL THE TIME GOD IS GOOD!!!!!!

Two weeks ago the ladie’s Bible study that I co-lead finished Beth Moore’s “Jesus the One and Only”…..it was a very good study, and I’m planning on going back over our Christmas vacation and completing the homework that I didn’t finish during the 11 week study (I know, bad me!), but I am really looking forward to that.  Anyhow we ended our study 2 weeks ago, and this Thursday we will be starting Part One of Beth Moore’s “Wising Up” DVD series on the book of Proverbs.  Part one is only 3 weeks long and does not have any homework involved, only a listening guide.   So, what have I been doing/am I going to do during my quiet time with God each morning while I don’t have Bible study homework to do?   This past week and half I read through the book of Joshua.   It was so great just diving back into the Word without trying to find answers to questions, etc. (I am sure that I SHOULD be doing that already in addition to my Bible study homework, but with homeschooling and caring for my family, I just don’t get both done!).    Anyhow, God really pointed out some new little nuggets in the book of Joshua, and I was very excited to have had the opportunity to read, pray over and journal in the book of Joshua.   This morning I began the book of Judges, and I’m having a little bit harder time with this one because I think that it happens over a span of several generations, and that is a little confusing to me to keep up with (Sorry, just in case you haven’t figured this out yet, I’m pretty “simple minded”).   But I shall continue to pray through the book and remain confident that the Lord will give me nuggets of wisdom and truth in this portion of His Word as well!

What are you studying?

As you all have already read, I was REALLY struggling yesterday….all night last night, and was doing better this morning.   Well yesterday the anger I was feeling really troubled me….I kept talking to God about it all day, and kept asking Him to remove it from me, to fill me with love….HIS love…..for the situation and towards “the enemy” of that particular situation.   Well, the more I talked to Him I was getting frustrated because the anger wasn’t going away…..see normally when I pray about something and talk to my Father in Heaven about it, the emotions (human flesh) will go away and the Holy Spirit will fill in those fleshly places.   Well, yesterday I wasn’t feeling anything but the extreme anger, which upset me and increased my frustration about the situation.   This morning when I was praying, I asked God why He didn’t help me through the anger yesterday,  “why didn’t I hear Your voice in my heart?”  “Where were you Father?”…… I really felt as though He was telling me that He wasn’t saying anything, just holding me.  Just hugging me and snuggling me, as I would my own children when they were so incredibly angry or incredibly sad about a situation……   THANK YOU LORD!!!!   You truly are my Abba!!!!!

 After reading this post on my friend Elizabeth’s blog, I thought that it would make a great introduction to something that I found this past week, and have been wanting to post about.   First of all, my thoughts on what Elizabeth wrote about…..yes, we all, yes I mean ALL, need some “me time”.    I don’t mean that we need to neglect our families (and I know that that is not what Elizabeth is talking about either….I know that Elizabeth’s heart is to take tip top shape care of her family, and she does that!) and have a “girls night out” or “girls day out” every day or every week…..we don’t!!!!!!!!   But, we do need to take a few minutes each day to take care of ourselves physically, mentally, and spiritually.   Physically doesn’t necessarily mean mani/pedi’s (and for those ladies that don’t understand that….like I didn’t until a few days ago :)  that is a manicure and pedicure), facials, fancy hair-dos or fancy make up.  It just needs that we do need to take care of our bodies for our family.    For me, that means exercise, eating healthy, and showering with smelly bath stuff, using girly lotions (I have very dry skin, and have to slather myself a couple of times per day with a lotion that doesn’t have any alcohol in it), and taking care of my skin with quality skin care products.   I do like to have my nails done periodically (even though it only lasts a few days with the abuse I put my poor hands through), and now that I have a friend that is a manicurist, I want to have my first ever pedicure…..I think it will be fun, and am planning on scheduling an appointment with her for next week.  But normally I tend to do these things at home, in the privacy of my own home and to help the relaxation factor.   The other day I opened an email from Martha Stewart Living and found an article there for Natural Manicures .  

I’m VERY MUCH looking forward to doing that at home! 

Ok, onto taking care of myself mentally…..for me, that means some down time each day without interaction with other human beings.   Please understand that I love my family VERY VERY VERY much, and quite often put their needs above my own, but being with my family in a smallish house, 24 hours per day, 7 days per week gets tiring.   I would never ever ever trade any of my life for another life or lifestyle, I am very thankful for God’s very direct leading in my life in this matter of career (stay at home wife and mother and home education teacher), and like any other career, I do need “day’s off” periodically.   And I do very occasionally take those day’s off in going to one or two women’s conferences every 2-3 years with friends, but I find that I need some time by myself on a regular basis.  That is where my early mornings come into play.   I awaken 1-3 hours before the rest of the family every day of the week so that I can have quiet time with my Lord, some exercise time (without an audience), and just time to listen to the CDs that I like (music and teaching) or the radio shows/stations that I like.    This is my “mental health” time  :) 

The last area of “me time” that I think actually should have gotten first billing here, and should DEFINITELY get first billing in all of our lives, is our spiritual lives.   As a born again Christian, this means that I need to be continually fed the meat of the Word….I need to be studying and living God’s Word out in my life!   This is probably the area of my life that I struggle with the most, but I serve a very faithful, loving and forgiving God that chases after me, and pursues me and won’t let me neglect my life in Him!   God desires that same relationship with YOU!   If you don’t have that type of relationship with God through the shed blood of the Saviour, Jesus Christ, and you desire a personal relationship with Christ and want to talk with me, please leave me a comment, and I will email you privately.

Blessings to you all!